012
Hurting myself has been a long time secret I've always hidden like a dirty pair of underwear. I'm pretty sure the only person who really knows is Moaning Myrtle. I was using her bathroom stall in first year when she popped her head in the door while I was crying. I'd cut myself a little deeper than usual, but not enough to warrant a trip to the hospital wing. She even talked to me, wanting to know why I would do such a thing to myself. I told her that it's the only way I can make the pain real enough to bear. It's comforting watching the wound heal and become a scar if it's deep enough. She sort of seemed to understand and I've been going there to do the deed ever since.
Today has been the first time I've wanted to cut myself in weeks. And I cut where no one can possibly see them. I am always careful to make sure Parkinson, Davis, and Greengrass don't see them. I can only imagine what would happen if they did. They'd turn me into Pomfrey for one and inform Professor Snape of one of my many flaws. I don't think I could handle that.
I slipped from the library to the girls' bathroom earlier. I cut a nice spot on my thigh. I watched the blood come to the surface to bead up against the blade of the knife. It felt good. And it hurt. It brought me back to myself in a real way. I put the iodine on it as usual to disinfect the wound. I never forget to do that because I do want it to heal.
{/Private}
How are you, love? Enjoying the chimes?
Will this tournament never end?
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discontent